This is how much you mean to me.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011  at 10:56 pm
Evening my lovelies!

Tonight...I need to tell someone out there, how much they mean to me. I know I don't usually dwell or delve into my personal life, but this person has...made me feel an emotion I swore I would never feel. Firstly, I'm talking about my favourite person, I call him my favourite person because calling him my bf sounds too ordinary. He honestly is my favourite person and always has been. It's not always easy for me to express to others how much I care or love them. I know that many a times, people have told me that I was born without a heart, because I show very little emotion (laughs). I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I do irrational things and don't think how my actions will affect the other person. I've put my favourite person through so much, that writing this post makes me want to cry. I've been so unreasonable it's beyond belief. I've really put him through the mill. Honestly, I never would have thought that the guy I spoke to when I was in highschool would end up becoming the most important person in my life. It's a bit embarrassing but when I was in high-school and we use to chat I would always think to myself "what would it be like, if I was the most important person in his life, if I was the reason he smiled everyday or thought of constantly". I've known him for over two years now, and by over I mean way over. They say that the person you date should help you grow and become the best person you can possibly be. Since I've been with him, he's always been there to support me when I needed it most, he's helped me through times when I've almost given up. I admire him so much. He has qualities in him that make me envious (laughs). He's determined, if he says he's going to do something or get something he will get it. It doesn't matter what might happen along the way, but he will get it. He's super hard-working, I know I'm an extremely lazy person so this might not seem like hard work to others, but to me it is. So, he works during the week, on selected days. My lovelies might not understand but juggling university work and a job, it's hard and it isn't easy.

Though I've known him for a long time, I'm still afraid that he will hurt me. You would expect that after all this time, I would know him inside out, but truth be told, it feels like I'm getting to know him each day that I'm with him. I've told him once before that whenever I see him, it feels as if I'm meeting him for the first time. I say it because it feels that every time I meet him, I'm falling in love with him for the first time. This is the first time in all my nineteen years of existence that I've truly loved someone as much as I love him. I know my lovelies might be saying how can you know what love is, or what it feels like to be in love. Well when I'm with him I'm at my happiest. I can't explain it, I've loved him even before he's ever loved me. You know when you care for someone but you don't really know how much you care for them until you see them with someone else and realize that maybe you never really had a chance. I've always wanted to tell him that during the times when we spoke, when I was in high-school I cared for him then and didn't want him to be with anyone else besides me. I know it's a selfish request and I can't expect that, but I truly wanted him to be mine.

We've been through a lot and have had our fair share of break-ups and I'm thankful that he's in my life now and that I had the opportunity to meet him, because if it wasn't for that day when we met during my midterm exams at university we would still be strangers to each other.

The newest addition to my teddy bear collection! Favourite person gave it to me! He got it from LONDON, like London, yeah, that place. ^^ He had it for four years!! I couldn't believe it when he told me that because you don't give up memorabilia that easily to just anyone. I heart it so much it can't fit inside my heart (laughs).

I hope all my lovelies will appreciate the snippet of my personal life(laughs), this post was an explosion of all the emotions I've kept inside of me!

Till the next update.
Bye Bye!

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